meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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