Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
