she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
