She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jerry, you need to find god
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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