i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
