Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
