sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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