So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
