your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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