I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
