I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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