on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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