I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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