are you so shy because you have an std?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
