Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
