And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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