I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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