What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
