You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
tell me about the fingering
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
