Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's blow job season.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
