My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
