If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
