why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
