You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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