Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had sex on a roof
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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