I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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