im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize