is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
