It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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