my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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