What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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