And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
