Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
