i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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