I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
