Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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