I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
