If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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