i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
