im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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