if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize