I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
