Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
