I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
