Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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