its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
