come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
