The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
