wat bout pragnant strippers??
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
