She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
