There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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