dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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