what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dick very happy bro
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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