I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
