they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
