My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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