I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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