Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
