this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
