Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
