you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
