i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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