Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
