So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
