I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
