Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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