If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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