Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
