I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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