no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
