Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
