please come you make the beer taste better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We are all done wearing pants today
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
