and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
