My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
