Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
