Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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