i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.