Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.