I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
