I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
