We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
