batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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