Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
