i barfeds in our rink
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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