Kiss
Puke
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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