Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
