This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So many bounce houses so little time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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