its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
